I don’t know

Aren’t you feeling anxious, now that you’ve crossed 30?, my twin sister asked. Anxious about what? Don’t you feel life is running too fast and you don’t know if you will be able to do all those things you dreamed of? I never had many dreams or expectations in the first place, I replied.

This is an easy statement. It sounds like I’m taking an easy route for a living. It sounds like an escape. It’s succumbing more than enduring. Success and failure are mere bodies, minus the soul, in these transitory moments. I’m still looking for answers to the most basic questions. What do I like? What makes me happy? Is success rated by weighing your high vs low moments? Like a see-saw, except, when one entity starts weighing more than the other the fun is all gone.

I’ve become too boring and philosophical over the years. I can’t believe I just wrote an entire paragraph defending my laziness. This is what happens when the mind contradicts the heart. What am I trying to say here? Nothing but the usual, which is always incomplete.


She wanted me to write something about her. It seemed like a mountainous job, for I didn’t know what I’ve been feeling ever since I married her. There were no butterflies in stomach, never day dreamed about her, hardly spoke on the phone for hours. Do I really love her? What is love? Is it the feeling I had when I saw my first crush in school? Or is it the feeling that drives us to do the craziest things on earth?

Holy moly! Why did I marry her then? She asked me this question a hundred times but never got a satisfactory answer. Do I have an answer? Can there be a reason behind marriage? If yes, does it become conditional? ‘Do you love me?’, she asks. I stare at my own thoughts.

It’s been almost two years now. Neither my life nor my lifestyle has changed. She let me be myself. I know no one loves me the way she does. How do I know? I just know. What does she do to make me feel that way? Nothing much. She screams, she fights, she does what she wants. Then how does it make me feel good? Because that’s exactly how I want her to be. She is not my better half. She doesn’t complete me, because I hardly start anything for her to finish. She does it all by herself. I love her not for what she does, but for what she is.

Happy Valentine’s Day, my opposite!


There was a cold day…

I haven’t experienced snow. I haven’t experienced sub zero temperatures. I never lived in antarctica. As a hyderabadi, I never thought i’d rant about weather. This winter has been exceptional though. I always loved winters but this season I realised how much I underestimated the power of winters. I even wore thermals for the first time ever.

Every object lying around is cold. I get down from bed and the floor sends a cold current through my legs. I struggle to stand near the wash basin while brushing my teeth; although most of us like to walk around the entire house while brushing teeth. Hot water becomes cold too soon and clothes, instead of offering us protection, have become lethal.

I had been to agra last week and the experience was no less than a nightmare. It looked like Sun had asked rain to hold the fort while he went on a long vacation. A very bad choice, I must say.

Soon as I came back to hyderabad, I saw people wearing surgical masks and talking about vaccinations to prevent swine flu. I don’t think the ground situation is too bad, yet these hospitals and clinics are exploiting our suspicion. Give a chance, they might even quarantine cases of common cold.

Hoping for a deadly summer this year.


Q: How did the English guy ask his Hindi servant to open the door?

A: There was a cold day!

As Good As Dead

When I started writing blogs, almost 8 years ago, my only aim was to entertain the reader. I dreamt of creating ‘energy’ through this medium. I had a quote on the sidebar, back then on blogger, “one post a day keeps boredom away”. I had so much to write when I was in college. I thought my readership will grow once I start working as I assumed an entire organization might start following my blog. How stupid was I. Things changed..err, in fact my thinking changed after I started working. I had more to complain than to write. Frequency of my posts came down year after year and the inspiration to write further took a beating when some guys suggested that I should write columns for Deccan Chronicle or The Times of India, because I always considered them as substandard. I know my language skills aren’t that great too. These days I write because I have a blog and I don’t want to delete it. I’m supplying it with enough words to survive but it’s as good as dead. Will it come back alive? Sachin Tendulkar knows!

Kya tho bhi!

Any event that is being discussed more than required starts to annoy me. A lot of such events/processes are already discussed at work which are unavoidable. You like it or not, sometimes, you have to be part of a never ending conversation. That’s the problem with words. A picture with a beautiful caption attracts more eyes than a picture with no caption. Over the last few weeks, there have been many such events that went viral. Terrorist attacks, Dhoni’s retirement, outrage over PK, New Year, etc.

Is it really so important to have an opinion on everything? The moment you choose to be silent, it’s misunderstood as being ignorant. I’ve seen expressions on few faces which are like ‘how can you be so calm and not react?’. You like it or not, you got to have an opinion. Debating about an event on any social platform is just pointless. It just never ends. There’s just so much anger everywhere. The 9 PM news hour is one of the best example. Our approach itself concerning. We need people who can make a story out of nothing, who can engage audience to run a show, like big boss, that is of no help. There are just so many things. Not sure if i’m over-reacting or the world has indeed become a weird place to live in.

The Phuket Diary

There’s an adage in Telugu that says ‘dongalu padina aaru nelalaki kukkalu morigayi anta’, meaning, ‘the dogs barked six months after the burglars broke in ’. Likewise, I took out sometime, after six months, to write this post about my first videsi trip.

Soon after I tied those three knots, the countdown started. Planning sucks more than travelling and there’s an extra amount of burden after marriage because you want everything to go as per the book. Considering the bank balance and leave balance, my wife and I decided to spend our most interesting days of marriage in Phuket. I was anxious, excited and partially naive, but that didn’t stop me from going with the flow. We took the Thai airways flight which had nothing great to offer and they bored us to death with a continuous loop of ‘Just for laughs gags’ episodes. It seemed more or less like any domestic flight with bland food.

I caught an initial glimpse of Phuket from the flight window, and it looked exquisite. Small islands spread across the huge ocean and sunlight streaming through the gaps in clouds. Phuket gave a good first impression. Clean roads, moderate traffic and greenery all around. Our accommodation was five star so no complaints there. The drive from airport to our hotel was long which gave us a decent chance to scan through most parts of the town. Nothing appeared extraordinary or amusing within the city except the famous Thai massage shops, which were almost on every corner of the street.  We didn’t have much to do on the first day as we checked-in late and the only event that we were able to catch was the ‘Phuket Fantasea Show’, a cultural theme park showcasing the heritage and culture of Thailand. The show happened in an auditorium named ‘Palace of Elephants’, and if you ever go to Phuket, don’t ever return without watching this show. I’ve never seen elephants, goats and even chickens perform so well in harmony.


I still remember the name of our guide, King Kong, who took us through Phi Phi and Krabi islands the following day. I was lucky enough to sit on the front deck of the boat which offered a great view of the huge rock islands spread across the ocean. We had a brief snorkelling session in the afternoon which wasn’t as great as expected but still gave us a good chance to swim with the fish, which are tourist friendly. The best part was the time I spent travelling on the sea, with the ocean breeze hitting hard on the face while the sun took care of the rest. Almost gave a ‘Life of Pi’ feel. It was also the worst part because I had first-hand experience of sun burns. Never underestimate the power of a common sun. 😛


ImageThe third day we covered the Phang Nga bay, where we saw islands, islands and more islands including the legendary James bond Island which was too crowded in my opinion, and a typical place for a patel shot.  Every island is unique with its own freakish shape and size. Later that day, we passed through few magnificent sea caves, on a kayak, that lead into the center of its many karsts. These lagoons can get quite interesting depending upon the size of the tides. A low tide can almost reduce the lagoon to mud. I came to know later that kayaking happens only during mid-tide when the water level is low and steady, else it’s not possible to enter those caves during high tides.

ImageImageImageImageA great experience overall. Little bits of skin on my face and hands started to peel off by the time we returned to Delhi airport. It was there, the aerial view of Phuket, right on my face. Thanks to the sunburns, I got a complete facial peel for next to nothing.

The first day

Are we good now? It’s 2014.

It’s the first page of a fresh book. We start off tidily and by the year end it’s all shabby. That is precisely why I stopped writing in a notebook. Instead, I’m using a word document to make sure all pages look good. Now all I have to do is to just wait and see how good this year is going to be. Don’t you think it’s high time we should start following a new calendar? Or at least, let December be the first month of 2014 and January the last. Hell yeah, if the whole world can agree to this, it’d be amazing. If we can’t change anything, then what’s all the excitement about?

Not sure how many of you seriously took the advice I gave in my previous post but I certainly didn’t. Even though I made no plans to ‘do something different’ and ‘go somewhere’, it all happened by itself. When you are not understanding anything, you stay calm and eat. I, along with a few of my cousins, found a good restaurant in town to party. It’s a different story that we spent more time there taking pictures than eating food, nevertheless, the ‘go somewhere’ part was taken care dutifully.

Year after year we aimlessly celebrate the arrival of a new beginning, and we all know it’s boring to stick to a routine. Just because we danced all night long on 31st December 2012, doesn’t mean we will have to do the same for the rest of our lives, every year. We are humans and humans hate routine, which is the reason why we can go to any extent to ‘do something different’.

By the time we finished dinner and came out of the restaurant it was past midnight. The traffic looked heavy, and few passionate souls on motorbikes were racing and shouting on the streets. They all looked so happy and united. You can find such performances on the road only when 1. It’s a new year 2. India wins a world cup. While I drove back, random dudes on the streets waved hands while wishing my wife, ‘Happy New Year’ and they didn’t even care to look at me. It looked as if their aim was to grab the attention of every girl on the street. Even the security guard at the restaurant, while we were getting into the car, shouted ‘Happy New Year Madam’, overlooking me blatantly. Then I realized that all these are in fact brave, forever alone, souls who made plans to ‘do something different’. That’s when I decided, to do something different, you have to wish other people’s wives. Next year, maybe, I too shall give it a try.

New Year’s Eve


To deal with expectations is one of the most daunting things in life. From India winning an overseas series to passing that effing exam, we tend to expect. Expectations go high during festive days, holidays and weekends. Why do we get so high on friday? Because we expect to ‘freak out’ during the weekend even if that means sitting home all day and watching tv. That’s the problem.

New Year’s eve is one of those problems. No one is sure what to do and yet we try to do ‘something’ because it’s a new year. Sulk the whole rest of the year, it doesn’t matter, but we need to start the new year with a bang is the premise. I’m stuck in the same situation not knowing what to do. I’ve asked few friends for advice and the responses were like, ‘Go somewhere’ or ‘Do something different’. One girl even suggested me to watch ‘Dhoom 3’. That’s when I stopped seeking for more advice. My initial plan was to go to an exotic place nearby, and I’m tired of looking for such exotic destinations around Hyderabad. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke and I don’t eat non-vegetarian food, which filters out most of the regular options and raises the most obvious question, how do I enjoy if I don’t drink, smoke or eat non-veg? Going to a movie or restaurant is a usually weekend thing which doesn’t qualify to the ‘Must do things on new year’s eve’. Wow, I got a reason for everything.

I can still convince myself and do nothing but I have a partner under the same roof who wants to ‘go somewhere, do something different and freak out’. Handling these expectations can be daunting.
In any case, one advice to fellow victims, Keep calm and sleep.

Knot Knot!

I promised my wife long back that I would write a post on her. How foolish can I be? How did I say that I’d write a post on her when we all know that it’s not possible to confine the characteristics of a woman to a single blog post? (Oh! such a male chauvinist I’m) Anyhow, since I’ve already made a commitment, I’d try to describe my journey so far post marriage.

Some old guy, even before I was born, said that marriages are made in heaven and people kept believing ever since. I guess that is the reason why people wish to enter heaven after death, so they can dress up prettily and eat free food. Who wouldn’t be happy then?

I rarely attend weddings, not because I don’t like people getting married but I lack patience to sit through the entire ceremony. I don’t know what time zone this heaven follows, but when my time came God tested our patience by fixing the “muhurat” (the auspicious time) at an ungodly hour. Half of my cousins were happily dozing while I was getting married. Now that I recollect these moments, I can relate a bit of India’s history to my wedding.

At the stroke of midnight hour, when the world (my cousins) sleeps, India (I, me, myself) will awake to life and freedom. A moment comes, but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance.

Totally apt, isn’t it? Marriage did give me a new life and lot of freedom and I did step out from the old to the new. Oh! And of course, the desire of a man, long suppressed, did find utterance 😛 So, it’s all good, however, it also depends on the way we see it. My wife is surprised at her own commitment levels and I still turn my head whenever I come across a pretty lass. 126 days since I started this journey, and in spite of the fact that we have a long way to go, one thing is for sure…end of the day, if my partner’s head is resting on my shoulder, even for a few silent minutes, I know all is well.